{ hip to the hop }

I rarely listen to the radio these days, ever since the 120GB iPod came into my life. But on the way to work this week, I checked in with some local stations to see if I was missing anything un-missable. I wasn't.

When I hit 103.3, "Hip-Hop y Mas," I had

to pause out of respect obviously.

The first thing I hear are Beyonce's lush vocals passionately declaring that a "diva is a female version of a hustler." The former Destiny's Child star is apparently over her...wait, did she ever have a goody two-shoes phase? Either way...Sasha Fierce has claimed reign over Beyonce's image from here on out. "I have someone that takes over when it's time for me to work...Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I'm working and when I'm on stage." QUOTE - Beyonce (or S. Fierce? ...how are we supposed to know?)

I'm currently working on my alter ego name...and of course I'm open to suggestions. I feel like self-proclaimed nicknames don't always stick that well anyway.

Next song comes on and I'm getting super excited because it sounds like a new remix of Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me Right Round"...and oh how I love all things 80's. Call it a remix if you will...but they tweaked the words just enough to make the new lyrical theme overtly sexual. Surprised? Don't be.

I did, however, keep listening because the female vocalist paired with Flo Rida (who is, in fact, from FLORIDA!) sounded suspiciously like Katy Perry, my childhood best friend. Turns out, it's only Kesha, who is probably nobody's childhood best friend.

Lastly, I'd like to make fun of Lil Wayne (born Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr.). He wrote his first rap song at age eight, and then dropped out of school at 14. His last three albums are named The Carter, The Carter II, and The Carter III, respectively. He won a Grammy in 2006, but it was a collaboration with Destiny's Child and T.I., and I'm pretty sure that the latter two carried most of the weight. In 2008, his tour bus was stopped by Border Patrol near Yuma, Arizona, where a K-9 Unit recovered almost 4 ounces of marijuana, over an ounce of cocaine, and almost 2 ounces of MDMA, the stuff that gives ecstasy its punch. And yet the guy is still earning probably close to $20 mil a year. Egad. He also played guitar alongside Kid Rock at the Country Music Awards last November. Anybody Tivo it?

Oh wait, those weren't even the main reasons I wanted to make fun of the guy. No really. His voice is ridiculous. Some people are nice and just say it's "unusual." Others have compared it to Ratatouille with laryngitis. My opinion probably falls somewhere in between the two. You know the old creepy man that Jafar turns into in the dungeon in Aladdin? Lil Wayne has somehow manufactured the voice that perfectly encapsulates what should be coming out of that guy. But with a lot of phlegm...and then synthesized to the nth degree.

And yes, his massive belt buckle says "RAPE." What a shmuck. May pink camo never be "in."